For your sake (Dead!Free x Reader)

Where are you now, what are you doing?

Are you in this endless sky?

You didn't know how you found yourself standing here, under the comforting, nurturing shade of the Sakura tree above you. The pink child of nature had ceased to shed leaves, leaving the ground bare and dry. The atmosphere of Iwatobi's Graveyard was silent, the chill in the air deadly prominent despite it being in the mid of summer. 

I’ve realized for the first time,

I’ve lost the things that have filled my heart till now,

How much you supported me,

How much you made me smile.

You would have been smiling. You would have been watching them practise relentlessly for whatever tournaments Gou had signed them up for (you didn’t swim, because procrastination always had a part in your life). You would have been normally sitting in the summer breeze, cheering them on with passionate tones and sparkling eyes.

Unfortunately, their time was up. 

You stood in front of six graves. There was nothing buried at the foot of the tombstones that were lined up next to each other. The bodies of the deceased swimmers had never been recovered from the hungry, thieving ocean. It was impossible to do so, anyway. It was unbelievable that just two days ago, they had been alive and well. They had been with you, laughing and crying at a movie that Nagisa had rented out for all of you to watch. You could still hear their voices and reassurances as you wished them all the best for their swim across the Iwatobi Ocean to a nearby island. 

That I’d lost them was too much to consider,

Even though I’d struggled so desperately to reach out my hand and take them back.

Like the wind they slipped through, looking as though they would reach me, but did not.

The weather forecast told nothing of a tropical storm. No one had been prepared for the raging bullets of water that shot themselves swimmers from Iwatobi High School, swimmers from Samezuka and swimmers from literally all around Iwatobi. A disgusting waste of at least 15+ lives were disposed of that fateful day. Five of the most precious people in your life has been stolen, snatched away without a second thought. 

You had been in the Tachibana Household, watching the competition on live television. Ren and Ran were seated on either side of you, eyes glued to television screen as they marvelled at the coolness of their elder brother, while Gou sat on the edge of her seat on the chair opposite you. Her first priority was to fangirl over the muscles of the swimmers taking part, but her attitude changed rapidly as the race progressed. 

It began with light drizzles, which the officials waved off nonchalantly. When the light drizzles evolved into medium rainfall, that's when they began to worry. The sky was clouding over faster than a glass of cold water condensing! People on the boats shouted for everyone to climb aboard, eyes wide with terror and fear for their lives. You could see the panic in Nagisa's face, crying out as the waves grew far too strong for him go swim against. Rei reached out for the blond, but slowly, the Sea King dragged him underneath and never returned him. 

By now, Gou had her hands clamped over her mouth to muffle the horrified screaming she was emitting with her voice box. On instinct, you picked up Ren and Ran under reach elbow and brought them to another room. 

“Nii-chan, what happened to Nagisa-chan and Rei-chan?” Ran asked innocently, rubbing her eyes. She was unknowing of Death's thieving hands that had snatched the two swimmers away.

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Ren, Ran, make sure you don’t go out of the room until your mother arrives. Please,” you managed to mask the fear bubbling inside of you; this was for the sake of these young, tender children. If you broke down, what made you think that they wouldn’t?

They both looked terribly confused, but agreed nonetheless. As you exited the room, you locked the door behind you for extra precautions. 

As you made your way back to the television, a flash of lightning on the screen struck the boat. Little fires began dancing on the frame of the water mobile as the people abroad began to panic even more. You caught sight of Rin's mortified expression as the mast came crashing down on top of Nitori, Momo and some others. A few screams were heard as the boat fell, bringing four or five down with it. 

"Haru!" You heard Makoto's shout over the wailing of the wind, "Rin! Nagisa! Rei!" 

Slowly, the waves ate him up. The last you saw of him was his hand struggling above the surface before disappearing completely. 

Tears were brimming in your eyes, threatening to spill any moment now. Why?! How was this still on air?! Then you realised; the camera crew might be gone, but the waterproof video players attached to the buoys that were connected to the boat were still hovering above the surface, at least for now. You heard splashing coming from the television set, and looked up through watery eyes to see Haruka swimming frantically to the camera. 

His ebony hair was plastered to his forehead, and his serene azure blue orbs gazed at the camera with panic though his face remained blank. He shakily gulped as he tried his hardest to remain afloat, then opened his mouth. 

"(N-Name)..." His words shook with fear in every syllable and he sounded drop-dead exhausted, "If y-you're watching this....then....please move on once we're g-gone. Thank you for all y-you've done.... And...we're sorry we couldn't live longer to be with you." His words grew softer as the roar of the storm grew louder. He let out a soft sigh as he closed his eyes and began drifting farther away, the water enveloping itself around him. Soon, the only one left was Rin. 

His bottom lip was bleeding badly (his teeth were the main culprit), and he seemed to be struggling to keep afloat. Fatigue was evident in his actions as his facial features fell into one of a worn-out soldier. It was like he was clinging on desperately onto the last strands of life, yet was so tempted to let go. 

Gou let out a muffled sob, clasping her face in her hands. Her wails of grief rang throughout the Tachibana household as she completely forgot that there were children next door. As you watched Rin go down too, the shock began to register. But you didn't understand, why were they not coming up? How could they stay underwater for so long? 

Normally, you would have slapped yourself for your stupidity at that very moment, but your mind was distressed and just couldn't seem to function properly. The word ‘death’ was word you just couldn’t register at the moment.

The camera began to go deeper into the water, showing the darkness underneath. Corpses were scattered around the place, lifeless eyes covered by the tainted lenses of their swimming goggles. Some of them had their hair loose, their swimming caps floating far away. You could identify Nagisa immediately by his unforgettable honey-coloured hair; who couldn't? But why wasn't he moving? Why was he just floating upwards aimlessly? 

"Nagi...sa...?" You whispered through the cracks in your fingers. 

The camera seemed to be going down faster as the ship began to fall into the depths of the ocean. You even caught sight of Makoto, so close to the camera. His eyes were still open, but where was the shine in his pupils? You just...you didn't understand....he....the five of them couldn't be gone, right...? 

The static of the underwater camera grew and evolved until it the grey screeching of the television was all that was left flaring in the screen. You stared into your palms, processing and processing until the sudden, harsh truth hit you like you had been splashed in the face by a bucket of ice cold water. 

They were dead. They had drowned. All five of them. Even Nitori, Momo and Sousuke. 

Everyone. Gone.

With those words true in your mind, you cried out. Your voice was filled and laced with anguish, grief, sadness, agony, pain, disappointment, hurt and heartbreak. Tears were leaking, streaming down your cheeks uncontrollably, like a tap in the sink left running on full speed. Your sobs never seemed to die down until the wails of Gou drowned yours out. 

It seemed like that moment lasted far too long to anyone's liking. 

My soul was tightened by loneliness and despair,

My heart felt like it would break.

But your smiling faces remained in my memories,

Always encouraging me.

On the first day of mourning, you were in too much of a shock to realize what was going on. Everything was like a blur: first, you were sitting in Iwatobi Chapel, where a few people dressed in black were talking in monotone voices. After that, you were pushed along with the crowd by Coach Sasabe to Iwatobi Beach. Everyone stood there, clothed in black, in silence as you all paid your deepest and most solemn respects for the deceased. Then you were at Iwatobi Graveyard, where you watched as people placed bouquets of flowers, stuffed toys, chocolates, notes, cards and lucky charms on the graves. Everyone except for you, who had come unprepared. 

You made up for that by coming regularly ever since. It had been two days since the disaster, and you were still making daily visits to the place of death, where grief shrouded the area like a hood of sadness. The dying rays of the sun shone on the tombstones, highlighting the names etched upon the stone. The flowers had begun wilting, former beauty melting into nothingness. The stuffed animals sat lopsided, beady eyes staring out into the horizon. The cards had grown moss over them. Soaring over the horizon, seagulls sung hymns of grief, lamenting in piercing tones of their own. 

The town was fairly quiet. People were beginning to move on, going on and about with their business. It was like the incident three days ago had never happened. Schools opened, shops resumed business, industries continued their business and whatnot. Gou and Mrs Matsuoka had moved to America in hopes of a new life, one where sea storms would never take away their loved ones again- one without swimming. 

You could still remember Ren and Ran's words as they visited this place just yesterday.

"Mommy, why is onii-chan's name on the stone? Where is he?" 

"Your brother has gone to a much better place, sweethearts,"

"Wah! Is he on vacation? Will we see him there too?" 

"Yes, he is on a very long vacation. You will both see him there, when you're all grown up. It won't be soon, but he'll be waiting for all of us up there in the sky!" 

Mrs Tachibana was an optimist, you saluted her for that one. Following her selfless, brave example, you decided to not dwell on sadness and sorrow. 

Let’s return to those days once more,

I know it will be alright this time,

Always smiling by your sides,

Close to all of you….

You entered the graveyard, holding five bouquets of flowers. 

One was a bouquet of lilies, whose white petals dripped and sparkled with the water you had watered it with. The magnificence radiated from every stem. These were for Rei, who loved all things beautiful. 

The second was a bouquet of jasmine flowers. The strong scent of tea brought back nostalgia from a long time ago, back in second grade, where Makoto had brought you to a jasmine field. The white flower stood in its own elegance, so strong yet so fragile. These were for Makoto. 

The third bouquet was a bouquet of carnations. The pink petals of the said flower stood out slightly, but the petals were frilly and reminded you of a certain blond's energetic eyes. The flower might have been a little too girly for Nagisa, but he would have loved the mesmerising attraction of the carnation. 

The fourth bouquet was a bouquet of sunflowers. The majestic petals of the vibrant, domineering flower caught the dying rays of the giant slinking behind the mountains. It almost seemed to blaze golden. The stems were twice as long, but it wasn't a problem now; they were still flowers. These flowers were for Rin. 

The last bouquet was a bouquet of lavenders. The fragrant smell of the precious flowers wavered, mingling with the overpowering jasmine perfume wafts. The purple glories were sleek and slim, just like him when he was in the water. The tiny petals on each stem were like the memories you had with Haruka Nanase throughout your life. 

You arrived quite late, you were sure of that, but that was your intention all along. Without the presence of other humans to disturb the peace and quiet of the empty graveyard, you could concentrate on your task without getting your head in a mess. You were still wearing mourning colours. You were pretty sure that if you didn't get over your losses like how the others had, you would be decked in the one colour until the day you died. 

The sound of your (shoes of choice) hitting dry grass made satisfying crunches under the pressure you were applying to ground. You kneeled over, placing each bouquet over each grave with a blank expression on your face. You had cried so much the past few days that you had no tears left to shed. A soft sigh of regret escaped your lips as you continued to kneel down, staring emotionlessly at the slabs of stone. Then you remembered about being optimistic. 

"Hey, guys..." Your voice came out cracked and choppy, "So...how's life up there in the sky? I bet it's really good, right?" 

You didn't feel so bad about talking to yourself, or at least to dead people. Taking a deep breath, you continued on. 

"But is there water above? I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have a swimming pool, or else we people on Earth would be flooded with gallons of water all at once," you laughed shakily, "I hope Haruka-kun's not going crazy. Hey! I know a suggestion! Does water vapour work as a sub?" 

You were beginning to lose the feeling deep inside you that was telling you off for being so foolish. You smiled slightly, keeping Mrs Tachibana's encouraging, brave aura in your mind. 

"So, RinRin," you turned towards to said person's tombstone, giggling softly at the nickname, "Yeah, I remember the time where you went nuts when I called you 'RinRin', and disproved of it, but I'm still going to call you that anyway. Anyway, Gou and your mother have moved to America. It's kinda lonely without them and you here, but I'll manage. After all, I can't lose hope right? With all of you as my guardian angels!" 

You whipped your head around to see if anyone was watching your monologue, and resumed when the coast was clear. 

"Ah, Rei-kun!" You faced the direction of his grave and nodded at the flowers, "I tried to make your flowers as beautiful as possible. I even paid the shopkeeper extra to arrange them in a way that calculated angle and precision," you shuddered, remembering her glare as she was forced to remember the dreaded subject from her schooling nightmares, "I hope you like them, even though you aren't here physically to receive them and start nagging me for not buying the prettiest flowers." 

You just hoped that "Speedo-Glasses" wasn't glaring down at you. 

"Unagi-chan," you smiled faintly at the adorable food-related nickname you gave the blond, "I really wish you were here with me. It gets so lonely at night when my inbox is empty when you don't spam me with nonsense emails. I'm sorry I reported you for spam on Facebook, but I'm sure you don't mind at all, right?" 

It was a true story, indeed! But who could blame you? You checked your account to find that you had 387 unread messages, all from Nagisa Hazuki. It was maddening yet so precious when it lasted. 

"Mako-chan," you laughed sheepishly at the childish tone your voice had whenever you said his name, "I just saw Ren and Ran yesterday, and they think you’re on vacation! Technically, you are, right? It's just that this one is an eternal one…? Anyway, I promise you I'll be like a big sister to them! I'll make sure they study well and all that sort! I'll play with them and take care of them; I cross my heart and hope to die! Okay, maybe not literally..." 

You slapped yourself mentally at the lame attempt at conversation. But there was still one last grave to talk to...

"Haru-chan," his name came out harder than expected, "It's kinda hard not calling you by your full name, but since you can't get mad at me now for making your name girlier than it already is, I might as well just call you that once. Anyhow, I hope you don't go insane if there's not water up there. Like I said before, try using the clouds as a substitute! After all, they're bound to start raining down upon us, and Iwatobi is wet enough, thank you very much. The swimming pool here is still so warm though...." 

Your voice trailed off slightly when the realization weighed down upon you like a stone. Who was going to use Iwatobi High’s swimming pool, now that all its club members were gone? It was just going to fall into a state of disrepair, like it had been in before Nagisa had suggested starting a club. You felt tears prick the edges of your eyes as you hurriedly rubbed them away, desperate not to break down. 

Where are you now, what are you doing?

Are you in this endless sky?

Will you all smile for me like always?

Right now, it’s all I continue to ask for.

The five of them had been so close to you, a permanent piece of you. Without them…it felt like your soul was incomplete. Thoughts of suicide ran though your mind, but you chased them out even faster than the speed they came in through. No! Killing yourself was not going to help your friends, you or anyone. You bravely swallowed tears and stood up.

“I’ll make it,” you murmured softly, smiling fondly at the graves. Once again, the salty liquid poked at your (eye colour) eyes. Ignoring them this time, you stood up and gazed up at the reddening sky, “I promise all of you! I will! I’ll continue the swim club! I’ll recruit more people, and we’ll go for tournaments all of those competitions! I promise, I will!”

Your voice was carried away by the wind, but you didn’t care. They could probably hear you, anyway. Nodding, you got up with new ideas of inspiration and optimism. You were going to carry out their stolen ambitions to make it up for them. You were going to make them happy. You were going to push away all thoughts of procrastination for them. For their sake.

You left the graveyard. Most people watching the girl with (hair colour) hair finish up the grave-whispering job she had previously been doing would have said that the graveyard was empty. What they didn’t notice were five faint figures gazing at (Name) with eyes of gratitude as she made her way back home.

“Thank you, (Name)…”

Where are you now, what are you doing?

Are you in this endless sky?